see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
