Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
