This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
