So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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