I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize