You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize