I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
