You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
