ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
