If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
