I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
