I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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