She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
