Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize