Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize