i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
