why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
