Small penises have feelings too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
