Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
