My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
