just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
