I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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