I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
