I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
