CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
