That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
