can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
