Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
