I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
