there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
