We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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