He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
