This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
