Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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