Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
