Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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