SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
