I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
