he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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