I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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