hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
