dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
