if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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