sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
