I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
