I want to have your abortion
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
