Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
