awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
