i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
