Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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