Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
