Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
