god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
