Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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