I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
