You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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