so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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