all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
