then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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