yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sober January is a disaster.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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