Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
