Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
