Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
