I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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