I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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