She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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