Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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