At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
