I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My liver just had a heart attack.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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