i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
