the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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