Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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