You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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