i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize