I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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